I am HORRIBLE at making decisions! I had much rather someone just tell me what to do then have to make a choice on my own and risk regret. From a VERY early age, I have known that God has called ME to be a teacher. I can remember walking around in my front yard blowing my whistle and yelling at imaginary kids to line up! I had all the 'real teacher' goodies passed down from my teacher aunts that I used to 'teach' Haley (my sister) for hours in our garage. I had a full size chalkboard hanging that I would use to teach countless lessons! Yes, I was a little bossy! I am thankful that I never had to ponder what I would be when I was growing up.
I graduated from college in December of 2007, and I started teaching that Janurary. God totally provided a job immediately. I was so thankful. I fell in love teaching 5th graders. After having Lucy Jane, I experienced the anxiety that every new mom feels as she goes back to work and leaves her sweet little baby. I am so thankful I had a wonderful sitter, but I still knew my heart was with my baby girl all day.
Rich and I had discussed staying home, but we never made a for sure decision about anything. I began praying that if it was God's will for me to stay home the Lord would have Rich ask me to be a stay-at-home mom. I know that sounds crazy, but that is really the prayer that I prayed for several months. The night before Mother's Day this year Rich and I went out on a dinner date. While we were eating, he asked if I would like to be home with Lucy Jane. He told me he would like me to be able to be with her. I played it cool and told him I would think about it! The reality of quitting my job FREAKED ME OUT...(total anxiety...how will I tell my boss, what if I get bored, will I feel lonely with Rich working so much, will I have patience for Lucy Jane ALL day by myself) ...but the idea of staying home was so huge in my head.
"Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully." 1 Peter 5:7
I found out I was going to be able to teach 1st grade with a group of great girls and was super excited. I was back on the teaching bandwagon! How could I quit my job? New grade.....new challenges professionally.....sweet group of ladies......I told God that he was really going to have to make it clear to me before I could decide to give all that up. (Silly, I know)
The end of the year is here and I am having major anxiety about signing my contract or not signing my contract. I called several girls in my Sunday School class and asked them to please be praying. I wanted God to like drop me a note saying, "Hilary, please stay home with your child", or " Hilary, continue teaching". ha! I know this blog is getting too long.....so LONG STORY SHORT.....several "little things" began happening that I knew were signs straight from God to me. I woke up the Monday after Summer break had started with this overwhelming peace that I am supposed to quit my job and focus on Lucy Jane and Rich.
"Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:7
I immediately started thinking of service opportunities that I would be available to participate in, a bible study that I could join, silly songs that I could teach Lucy Jane.....(Yes, I'm a nerd) I wrote my letter of resignation during Lucy Jane's morning nap, called my prinicipal.....and immediately felt like that 'huge weight' everyone talks about had been lifted off my shoulders!
I have learned lately that God hears and answers your prayers when you go to HIM. Instead of seeking advice from others around you that can audibly answer.....go to the Lord. He already knows that plans that he has for you and your life....and he is waiting to share them with you!
For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:8
Although this seems like just yesterday.......
It wasn't.....my baby is changing and growing everyday! I don't want to miss a minute!
"I will give you thanks, for you answered me; you have become my salvation." Psalm 118:21